The Wizard of Ed
by Beansie
Summary: The last thing she saw was a soaring baseball. Now all she wants is to get home, but that is not going to prove easy with 4 witches behind her and the 3 boys to protect her. Please R&R!
1. A Day in the Culdesac

**Chapter 1****  
****A Day In The Cul-De-Sac**

* * *

"Have you ever wondered how a bird flies or an airplane soars? Now, for a limited time only, you can discover these transitory secrets for the small price of twenty-five cents," advertised Eddy. "Each that is," he quickly added. 

"Gee, I don't know.… What do you think, buddy?" Jonny 2x4 held the hunk of wood up to his ear. "Aha. Yep. Okay, Plank," he returned his attention to Eddy. "Plank wants to know if it's safe."

"Uh…sure it is, Jonny-boy! Act now and get a free party favor."

"Party favors? Give it to me, Eddy!" Jonny ran forward and dropped the two quarters into Eddy's jar, but didn't forget to take the party favors from Ed.

"Come again!" Ed grinned.

Jonny struggled to put his party hat on, but once he did, it sat crooked on his head.

"Yes…. Now see here, Jonny. These hand cut cardboard wings have been carefully selected to fit your person," explained Double D as he began to help Jonny put them on. "So if we…simply…buckle the…straps together…they should-"

"Outta the way, Sockhead," Eddy pushed Double D away and began fighting with the straps himself. "It buckles like…." Eddy pulled and tugged, but the buckles refused to meet.

* * *

"Ah, and such a bounty would be placed upon Rolf daydreamed as he sat among a huge pile of candied beets he was to polish and shine. 

"Yo Rolf!"

Rolf looked around for the source of the voice. "What do you think you are doing, spying on Rolf?" he interrogated.

"Chill, amigo. I just though-"

"Oh, it is only you, Kevin. What may the son of a shepherd do for you?" Rolf stood and bowed to him.

"Right…I was just around and I thought you might want to play some catch," explained Kevin.

Rolf frowned and shook his head. "This is not allowed, Kevin, as the turnip must not be sown. Come back when Rolf is through with his chores," replied Rolf, returning to the beets.

"Whatever," Kevin mumbled and walked away.

* * *

"There, they should work now! Nice work, Ed," Eddy complimented after they duck-taped the straps together. Ed, too, had duck-tape stuck all over himself. 

"Just call me a hamburger!" Ed said, grinning from ear to ear. Everyone gave him a confused look.

"Plank says he still doubts the chances of this working," Jonny announced.

"Hey Plank, my dad's adding a porch to the house, wanna help?" threatened Eddy.

"Eddy! Manners!" reminded Double D.

"Fine," Eddy mumbled. "Try them wings out now, Jonny-boy!"

Jonny closed his eyes and began flapping his arms up and down like a bird. He slowly opened his eyes again to see he was flying about everyone else. "Way cool! I'm doing it! I'm flying!" Jonny hollered.

"Bravo, Jonny! Well done!" Double D cheered.

"You show'em, Jonny!" supported Eddy.

"Yup, yup, sharoo!" Ed cried out.

"How long do you think he can stay up there?" Eddy asked Double D, but no sooner had this been said, Jonny fell out of the sk with a great thud.

"Ow!"

"Jonny! Are you alright?!" Double D raced to the boy's side, first aid kit in hand, to tend to any injuries.

"Hmmm…. Oh well, must have been all that hot air in his head," Eddy shrugged, but Double looked thoughtful.

"Hot air…Eddy! That's it!" he quickly shook Eddy's hand and ran off to his house.

"Huh?" Eddy asked, left staring curiously at his hand.

"There he goes!" Ed grinned cluelessly.

* * *

"Are they done yet, Sarah?" Jimmy asked his friend eagerly. 

"Almost, Jimmy," Sarah replied. The buzzer on their play oven went off and she pulled out a tray of ten gingerbread men.

"Mmm! I love gingerbread," Jimmy reached for one only to have Sarah slap his hand away.

"No, Jimmy. Don't you remember what happened last time?" Sarah grabbed Jimmy's arm and pulled him out of the room just as Jonny drifted by the window. He was sitting in a laundry basket with four helium-filled balloons tied to it.

"Wow! Check me out, Plank! I'm an astronaut!" Jonny shouted, turning to Plank who was drifting nearby in a similar contraption.

* * *

"Hey Kev. What's up?" Kevin stopped tossing his baseball up and down. Looking up, he saw Nazz grinning down at him. He quickly stood up and leaned against the fence in a very fashionable manner. 

"Oh, hey Nazz. Not much," he answered with a smirk. "You wanna play ball?" he asked, remembering the baseball in his hand.

"Sure!" she nodded.

"Cool! So do you want to bat or throw?"

"Uh…throwing's fine with me."

"Okay, go to the mount then," Kevin grabbed his bat while Nazz ran out to the field. He threw her the baseball when she reached the pitcher's mound.

"Ready?" she asked.

"You bet," Kevin gripped the bat.

Nazz threw the baseball to home base and Kevin hit it. It soared over both of their heads and disappeared at the horizon.

"Awesome, Kev!" Nazz cheered.

"Not to bad to say the least," Kevin gloated.

* * *

"Hey look, Plank! A baseball!" Jonny eagerly pointed at the soaring sphere. It flew skyward and popped one of the balloons. The laundry basket began to lose altitude as it slowly descended to the ground, but Jonny fortunately leapt into Plank's laundry basket. 

"I'm sorry, buddy. If I would have known a baseball was gonna make me fall, you think I'd be up here?"

* * *

"Hurry up, Marie!" Lee's voice rang throughout the entire trailer. 

"I'm coming!" Marie hollered back. She walked into the kitchen to see Lee washing dishes. She turned around to leave.

"Marie! Where do you think you're going?! Take these clothes out to May!"

"Alright, alright," Marie complained, picking up the laundry basket and bringing it outside.

"Put up these clothes," Marie ordered May.

"I don't see why I have to do this," May complained.

"You're the youngest, stupid."

May threw a wet sock at her.

"Why you-" Marie balled her hands into fists, but never got any further.

"Hey, look up there!" May pointed up.

"It's just the sky, May," Marie rolled her eyes.

A baseball came down on them like a stray meteor and hit Marie square on the forehead.

"Ough!"

"Oh look, Marie, it's a baseball," May picked the baseball up and began throwing it up and down.

"What was your first clue, idiot," Marie stood up and stole the baseball. "Come on, we're not done yet!" She threw it back up in the air.

* * *

"Oh no, Plank! It's coming again!" Jonny shouted. Once again, the baseball hit their lone aircraft. They both began falling, falling, falling. Down and down they fell, until- 

"Hey Nazz, is that a pumpkin?" Kevin asked, squinted at the falling object.

* * *

**A/N- So I've decided to rewrite this story so it doesn't sound as crappy as it did before. I'll post one chapter every two weeks hopefully, and finally finish this monster off cos it's really bugging me. ****This is a parody of The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz, obvious enough from the title. If you don't want to read it, obviously don't. For those who do, please review and tell me how I can improve. No flames, though! Thanks!**


	2. Prince Jimmy

**Chapter 2  
Prince Jimmy**

* * *

She moaned and shook her head in a daze. She then yawned and tried to open her eyes, but couldn't. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and tried again.

What she was met with made her jaw drop. She wasn't in the cul-de-sac anymore. She seemed to have come upon a quaint village. Houses dressed either side of the road. But these weren't ordinary houses. They appeared to be constructed of graham cracks, similar to the ones sold at Christmas time. And instead of grass, the ground was covered in a thick layer of a strange white substance. She took a scoop of it in her hands and licked it off. It was frosting.

She stared in awe. The road before her was made of chocolate bricks and lined with giant gumdrops. This was no ordinary village she was in. She had somehow ended up in a land of candy!

She was about to stand up and explore more when she realized she was sitting on someone. She looked down and saw the limp figure of Sarah.

"Hold it right there, Miss!" a small boy's voice called. She looked and saw Jimmy running toward her with a whole army of life-sized gingerbread people at his feet.

"Jimmy! I'm so happy to see you-" she began, but was soon cut off.

"That is no way to address your prince, Miss," Prince Jimmy said forcefully, looking crossly at her.

She was confused, but decided to play along. "I'm sorry, _Prince Jimmy_. Where am I?"

"Oh," Prince Jimmy thought aloud, "playing clueless, are we? Come on, boys, I know just the thing for her…."

"huh?" Two gingerbread men grabbed her arms from behind and dragged her away as she kicked and screamed the whole while. They walked her to a tall building and pushed two graham cracker doors open.

"No!" Let go of me!" She fought against them more, but it was fruitless. They threw her into a chair that quickly bound her arms and legs with licorice so she wouldn't, or couldn't, escape.

Prince Jimmy slowly approached her, tapping something golden in his hand. "Let's just see how much you know," the prince slowly tore the gold wrapping to reveal little more than a bar of chocolate. "Now we just need you to eat this, Miss," he broke off a bit of the chocolate and advanced toward her.

"I don't-" she never finished. One of the gingerbread men stuffed the chocolate into her open mouth while another proceeded to squash her jaw s together. She finally swallowed it down when her cheeks became sore.

Everything began to turn black and fuzzy as she slowly felt sleepier.

"Alright, lets begin the inquiry."

* * *

"Alright, get up!" a high-pitched voice exclaimed, painfully drilling itself into her thriving headache. 

"Where…?" she opened her eyes slowly. Prince Jimmy was standing in front of her, his face as cheerful as a daisy.

"Do now worry, Miss Nazz," the prince began, but then turned to address his henchmen the gingerbread men. "Release the prisoner!"

The licorice binding her arms and legs to the chair disappeared and she was free to stand upright again.

"What's going on? And how do you know my name?!" she asked worriedly.

"Come," Prince Jimmy waved for her to follow him. "Into the gardens!"

Nazz looked around the room she had been captive in and slowly obeyed the prince's orders, following behind his shadow.

Again, her mouth fell to the floor. The garden too was entirely candy. It looked something out of a storybook. Marshmallow mushrooms basked in the sun. Taffy vines grew up the side of the graham cracker palace. A chocolate stream flowed through and tall trees with ornaments of caramel apples thrived.

"Care for a caramel apple, Miss Nazz?" Prince Jimmy spotted her staring at the odd foliage.

She nodded and he reached up and plucked a candied apple down from the tree.

"Would you care to have a seat?" Prince Jimmy motioned toward a bench made of graham crackers. It supported the prince's weight when he sat upon it and it seemed sturdy enough. She followed suit and graciously accepted the candied apple.

"Do you know what kind of chocolate you ate earlier?" he asked. Nazz shook her head; she hadn't the slightest idea.

"That, Miss Nazz, was truth-telling chocolate. Once one has consumed it, they will be unable to lie for the next hour. Pretty ingenious, yes, Miss Nazz?"

She nodded, hoping to keep him so amused. "but where am I?"

"You are in The Country With No Name, in the land of Peach Cream," he answered.

"So like…how can I go home?"

"There are four main routes out of town. The Dark Chocolate Path leads west. You mustn't go there if you can prevent it. The Almond-Filled Chocolate Bar Road leads south and the Triple Thick Chocolate Trail leads north. Finally, The White Chocolate Walk leads to Ruby City, home to the Great Salami. Only he can help you leave.:

"That doesn't sound too safe, I don't know anyone! What if I don't make it?!"

"There'll be no worrying in that department, Miss Nazz. As long as you have the right protection, you'll be fine," Prince Jimmy leapt down from the bench and pulled a silver whistle out of his pocket. He blew into it, but it made no sound. "BRING OUT THE BEAST!"

"Beast?!" she choked on the word. A low growl sounded from behind them. Nazz swallowed the lump in her throat and slowly turned around.

"What the-?" she blinked in surprise. The "beast" Prince Jimmy had been referring to was nothing more than a small yipping beagle.

"Um, Prince Jimmy? How is this gonna possibly help me?" Nazz asked, bow rose skeptically.

"Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em!" the dog snarled, pulling against its leash.

"AAUUGGHH! PRINCE JIMMY, IT JUST TALKED!" Nazz screamed hysterically.

"Hey, hey, hey! What's the idea, sister?!" the dog barked back.

"Allow me to introduce Rudolf. He really is more pleasant than he may seem. His bark's worse than his bite, you know?" Prince Jimmy giggled to himself.

"I'm still here ya know?!" the dog hollered up.

"Rudolf," Prince Jimmy began, ignoring the dog's previous rudeness all together, "this is Miss Nazz. She comes from a land far from here and needs help getting home. You are to escort her safely to Ruby City so she-"

"Ruby City?! Forget it, man! There is no way I'm goin' all the way to-"

"You are to escort Miss Nazz to Ruby City!" Prince Jimmy repeated. "Do this and I'll put a word in for you," he added as an afterthought, smirking at the fact he held the ace.

"Fine…." Rudolf complained, rolling his eyes. "Come along, _Miss Nazz_!" He started down The White Chocolate Walk. Nazz slowly followed behind her doggy escort.

""Remember! Bring her safely!" Prince Jimmy called.

"Yeah, yeah…."

* * *

**A/N-** **So here's chapter two all updated** **and cleaned up I guess. I just finished plotting out this story, so I really am hoping to finish it. I just feel horrible for not updating in a year and a half, really. I appologize to those people who really enjoyed this story.**


	3. The Scarecrow In The Cornfield

**Chapter 3**  
**The Scarecrow In The Cornfield**

* * *

Nazz and Rudolf walked down the White Chocolate Walk together for quite some time before saying a word to each other. Nazz wanted to reach Ruby City as soon as possible and Rudolf wanted to be rid of her, not make friends with her. 

They walked straight through each village without ever stopping for directions. Rudolf was obviously much more intelligent than any normal dog shed met before.

But then she'd never met a talking dog before either.

It had been quite a while since they had seen signs of civilization. They were in the countryside instead. Wide fields of candy corn stretched on as far as the eyes could see on either side of the road.

Nazz finally decided to try and break the ice between them. "So have you ever been to Ruby City?" she asked.

"No," Rudolf answered quickly.

"Oh," she nodded just as her stomach grumbled loudly at her. "Shoot! Maybe we should have stopped back at one of the villages and gotten something to eat."

"You're in Peach Cream! Candyland! You could eat just about anything!"

"Do you think the farmers would mind if I took some of their corn?" Nazz asked, remembering her welcoming reception to this strange land.

"Probably. But who's gonna tell 'em?"

"Well…it couldn't hurt, I guess," Nazz stepped to the side of the road and climbed over the graham cracker fence.

The stalks of candy corn shot up above her head, so no one could have spotted them. She stood tiptoed to pluck an ear of candy corn from a stalk when Rudolf yelled that someone was in the field. She dropped the ear and spun around, ready to be taken before Prince Jimmy once more on accounts of theft.

It was only a scarecrow.

Nazz glared down at the laughing Rudolf before looking back up at the scarecrow. It seemed almost familiar. Like she had seen it somewhere before, but she hadn't. It was a tall figure, stuffed with straw of course. It had two eyes that couldn't quite focus on the same thing at once: one was looking left while the other stared off to the right. Once crow's feather for an eyebrow and dressed in farmer's attire, he was the perfect image of a scarecrow.

"Oh my…." Nazz backed away from the scarecrow. She knew him! She had seen him every day she could remember! Every day always the same! The same stupid smile! The same stupid run! The same stupid-

"Hello! Do you have any peanut shells?" the scarecrow asked her. She screamed. The same stupid voice!

"Uh…hello?" he looked at her curiously.

'_Get a grip on yourself_!_ It's only a scarecrow_!_ A_…_talking scarecrow_….' "I…uh…h-hello…." Nazz shook with fear. Maybe this was all a dream. A hallucination! Yes! That was it! It was a hallucination! If she just calmed down and played along, it would all be fine!

"WAIT!" the scarecrow screamed and tried to focus on her. Suddenly, his focus left and the strange, bewildered look planted itself back on his face.

"My name is Nazz," she began introducing herself," And this is sort of my guard dog, Rudolf. He is taking me to Ruby City." Why on earth was she telling him this?!

"What's a Ruby City?" he asked excitedly.

"Well…it's a place where a lot of people live," she explained.

"Oh! Oh! Can I go?!" he asked.

"Well…." She looked down at her escort.

"Come on! Don't waste your time with this dork! We've gotta get to Ruby City!" Rudolf exclaimed.

"Uhhhhhhhhh," the scarecrow started drooling.

"Do you wanna come with us?" she asked.

"Only if you have peanut shells," the scarecrow replied crossly.

"Well I'm sure we could find some," Nazz shrugged.

"Find what?" the scarecrow asked.

Nazz blinked twice. The scarecrow was dumber than she had originally thought.

"Find…the road," Nazz gave her most convincing smile.

"Uh…okay," the scarecrow nodded.

"Oh come on!" Rudolf complained.

Nazz walked behind the scarecrow's post and made quick work untying the rope holding him to it. With no support the scarecrow fell face first into the field.

Nazz ran forward and quickly helped him up.

He chuckled. "Lets do that again!"

Nazz shook her head, grinning. "Come on." She walked hand-in-hand out of the field with the scarecrow, helping him and Rudolf over the fence before climbing over it herself.

The threesome began walking down the White Chocolate Walk once more.

"What's your name?" Nazz asked the scarecrow.

"What's a name?" he asked, puzzled.

Rudolf snorted. "'What's a name?!' What's next?! 'What's a brain?!'"

"Ignore Rudolf. His fleas are just getting to him," Nazz commented, a twinkle in her eye.

"My-Hey!" Rudolf shouted.

"So what should we call you then? Scarecrow?"

"Who?"

"Jim?"

"What's that?"

"Wait!" Nazz exclaimed. She had it! Of course! The simplest name for the simplest person- "ED!"

"Ed?" the scarecrow asked.

"Yeah! That's what we'll call you from now on! Got that, Ed?!" Nazz turned to face him.

"Uh….okay!" Ed smiled at her.

* * *

**A/N- I wrote the original of this three years ago or so…Ed wanted peanut shells in this, he originally wanted peanuts. But every time I read that, I saw Captain Jack Sparrow shooting clones of himself for a peanut. So I just couldn't do that.**

**Next update in two weeks again. **


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